How you treat others is a sign of your own character.
Recently I was on a tele-seminar with one of the big marketing gurus. It was an open call, where the participants could ask questions and the lines were not muted. Sometimes, on these types of calls, it can be difficult for a listener to speak up and ask a question, because it is intimidating to talk to the host (depending on how big a name that person is), and also you don’t know how many other people are on the line and who they are (the people that are listening to you).
The question in this case was a good one – the listener was asking about being at a certain “level” to promote their programs. In other words, they didn’t feel confident promoting their programs, even though they may have been good, because they weren’t already a “known entity.”
The answer that came back however, was harsh. The host basically told the caller that they had a “hangup” because they were fearful of stepping out, and couldn’t self-promote.
Now obviously the answer was inappropriate, and reflected more on the host’s lack of character, professionalism, and grace, than it did on the person who was asking the question. If you think about it – he insulted a potential paying customer!
You don’t have to be ugly to people to make your point. In this case, the host was a self-made millionaire who apparently lost sight of the fact that he is supposed to be of service to others. He came across as arrogant and disrespectful, and not caring about his potential customers. In this case, I think the caller asking the question got a little too close to the truth, so the host got defensive. However, all he did was create a rift between him and his audience.
If that particular caller had been my client, I would’ve counseled her to confront the host. Yes, it would’ve been hard, but that caller needed to do that for their own good. They needed to stand in their truth!
How about you?
Have you ever been in a situation like this where someone insulted, belittled, or demeaned you?
If so, what did you do about it?
I would love to hear your stories.
Karen
Awesome post Karen!
You said a mouthful here! I have never understood what makes people think they have the right to insult someone due to the fact that they’ve made whatever place they think they’ve made in the world. However, not everyone knows that they can get more flies with honey than they can with vinegar. Such is life I guess.
When people react in such a way it leaves me to think that in no point in their lives did anyone treat them with kindness, therefore the only thing they have to offer is the ugliness that they themselves gathered on their journey. Is that an excuse? Probably not, but it sure helps me to understand the lack of people skills some individuals possess.
You’re absolutely right also about what should have been counseled to the young lady; people need to put that type of ignorance in its place and speak up for themselves. A little correction goes a long way. And it also lets people know that they can’t go around treating everyone any kind of way they deem fit to do so. Bravo on this post! I thoroughly enjoyed the read! 🙂
Thank you Deeone! I appreciate your comments and I am so glad that you liked this post!
Karen:
Amen Karen! Thank you so much for this post. This example is one of many that I am observing that sadden me greatly. I see folks losing the ‘soul’ of their businesses (and in some cases themselves) because they want what these gurus have and feel they need to behave in a similar manner or follow their lead to achieve success.
Their pursuit of success with ‘guru blinders on, puts them at risk for losing everything…but don’t see what is happening and how it is impacting them, their
business and those that care deeply about them.
Thank you Terri! I appreciate your reply and for taking the time to read this post. I agree with you 100%, and in fact we have talked before about how “it’s all about the money” for some of the gurus now. It’s almost like a game to them, which may account for the poor display of manners and lack of tact, in this case. This behavior is not something that should be emulated!
There is no excuse for that kind of behavior. These so-called “gurus” should absolutely know better. And it sounds to me like this person may have lost more than one potential paying customer depending on how many people participated in the call. As far as the listener not standing up for herself, that’s a tough thing to do, considering she was probably not expecting the answer that she got. I know it would’ve thrown me off and I’m not very quick on my feet even if I’m expecting a confrontation. Hopefully she realizes that her question and the “guru’s” response to it was enough to turn people away from him, millions and all. People, just like companies, can get too big too fast and implode on themselves. Then they might learn their lesson. Thanks for the great post! ~Suerae
HI Suerae,
Thank you for reading my blog and for the post. I appreciate your comments. Yes, I am sure that the listener was completely caught off guard by the reply. On top of that, even if she had had a reply ready, the “guru” pressed mute and then went on to another topic!
This is really good, Terri…for me it’s been more of having opportunities to build people back up and not allow them to feel small or unworthy…. I always feel so bad when situations like happen or when I see someone else that had the chance to build someone up who had that so-called “hang-up”… thanks for the great reminder to be more aware of how we treat others!! 🙂
Thank you for reading Emily! Everyone needs a little encouragement now and then! 🙂
Yes, I have been there and thankfully I have learned over the years that the person being disprespectful is probably very insecure themselves. The person you mentioned in your post probably gets his feeling of self worth from the perceived status he has built for himself. Unfortunately, he does not come across as a person with an understanding of self esteem and should, in my opinion, not be lecturing others.
I agree, the caller needed to confront this person for herself. This is a step in her believing in herself and what she does. Once she can do that, she does not need the “Guru” to tell her what to do…she will just know and go out and do it….and I might add, do it better. Great post…thank you.
Good points Ravenmyth! Thank you for reading.
Such a sad story. What makes it even worse is that it was in front of a group. It must have been difficult to go through for that person.
Thanks for the post. Why do some people (big or small) think they can get away with being rude? I think there is more responsibility on a person who’s been around for a while to be nice than a newbie.
Mike
Agree completely Mike! Thanks for reading.
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Hi Karen: the incident you described made me think of the definition of bullying by Dan Olweus, considered to be the world’s foremost researcher on bullying.
Bullying is when someone repeatedly and on purpose says or does mean or hurtful things to another person who has a hard time defending himself or herself.
A key component of bullying is an imbalance of power. The caller undoubtedly felt unable to defend herself against a more powerful “marketing guru.”
Thank you for not sweeping this incident under the rug! Susan
Susan,
Thank you for your comment. I can tell you, listening in on the call, that it was completely unexpected as an answer, so yes, I think that your comment is 100% right – that the caller did feel unable to defend herself.
Karen
How Do You Treat Others? | Fulltimewoman.com | Your blog was recommended to me by my cousin. You’re amazing! Thanks! Loved your article about How Do You Treat Others? | Best Regards Shane
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Karen, yes! This is the inappropriate behavior like I was talking about in my post. The last several months I have gotten everything that was good in me belittled, beaten, and made fun of by several gurus and some groups I was hanging around.
I finally had to cut ties with many of them and go back to doing what I love. What I like to point out is that these gurus often tell us we have a money block or a problem. However, the truth is they find the majority of their clients by selling a lower-priced program like a $47 seat to an event or a $597 (or less) program. Then they yell at us to go out there and find $5,000 or $10,000 clients!
Remember, pay attention to your mentors’ behind the scenes and what is REALLY going on in their business, not just what they tell you. Yes, I have a $10,000 program, but I also know it is easier to sell a $27 or $47 product and then up-sell to the level that is most comfortable and useful to my client. Trying to sell $5,000 or $10,000 out of the gate is like cold-calling. It’s stupid, it doesn’t work 90% of the time, and it makes you feel like a failure. Then you go cry on your big guru’s shoulder and give them more money.
See a pattern here?
So glad you stopped by Amethyst! Thank you for your comments and for the validation. I am sorry that you were treated that way – as you can see from the number of comments, this particular post struck a nerve with people, and it seems that many of us have had the same experience with the so-called “gurus”! I am glad that you are bouncing back!