Fabienne Fredrickson recently posted a video where she had an interesting take on criticism. Basically the bigger you get, and the more well-known you become, the more you become a target for criticism. According to Ms. Fredrickson, there are basically 5 ways we can handle it when someone criticizes us:
1) Have a good cry!
2) Realize that it’s usually not your issue. It’s their issue. Realize that the person who is doing the criticizing gets a greater sense of self-esteem when they tear you down.
3) Shield yourself from these comments. Don’t read a negative article about you, for instance (or nasty emails, etc.).
4) Look at the criticism and say “Which part of this can I own?” Even if their criticism is inflammatory, ask yourself what you can learn from the experience.
5) Realize that you are being roughed up so that you can toughen up. You are being prepared for the next level. The higher you get, the more criticism you will receive!
What I found interesting is that in an age where people are ferociously defensive about criticism, often to the point of going on the offensive and downright attacking the person doing the criticizing, Fabienne said to consider that there might actually be a nugget of truth in the criticism.
Now – I have to ask – how many people (much less well-known and respected “gurus” like Fabienne) would actually look at the criticism as a way to self-improvement? Hint: Not many people! It takes a special person with an open mind to do this! (So my respect for Ms. Fredrickson just went up!)
Criticism can come in many forms – maybe it’s a nasty comment that someone said to you, or a poor performance evaluation on the job. If you’ve ever watched Dancing With The Stars, the celebrity dancers wait with expectancy and suspense to hear what the judges are going to tell them after their dances are over, even if it’s not flattering. Why? So they can improve. The judge’s comments help them know what they need to work on so they can do a better job next time. The same reasoning applies to those who teach courses or lead seminars. Look at the course evaluations. Are there any suggestions or negative comments in them? If so, use those to improve the next time you teach!
It’ easy to criticize others, what’s harder is to stand in their place and do a better job yourself. Hurting people and saying nasty things about them does not change them.
It’s a rare person that can look in the mirror and realize they are part of the problem, and perhaps they need to change their own behavior!
As the great Dale Carnegie said “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain . . . and most fools do! It takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”
So how do you take it when someone criticizes you?
And how can you get better?
