A client of mine was in a difficult position. She had accepted a new job and within a few months realized that the boss she worked for had some personality issues.
She couldn’t figure out why her new boss was always sullen and negative, and didn’t seem to value (eg. never said “thank you” for) the work that her staff did for her (or for the business they brought in, etc.). On top of that, her new boss was quick to criticize and point out other people’s flaws and mistakes, but either did not realize that she had any of her own, or else could not admit them.*
(*Note: Often people in positions of authority will not admit their own shortcomings. However, emotionally secure, happy, and mentally healthy people will sometimes be self-deprecating if they know that either they have superior skills, or if the opposite holds true and they know they are lacking in a certain area.)
Furthermore, many times my client’s emails to her boss would go unanswered and unacknowledged. A colleague of hers (who worked for another company), suggested that these might be symptoms of passive-aggressiveness.
Besides being passive aggressive, lacking communication skills is also unprofessional and bad for business. When someone sends you an email, it is a professional courtesy to respond, not to mention critical in day-to-day business activities. If you are waiting on a response from someone, and your project can’t move forward until you hear back from that person, it is not professional to keep another person waiting, unless there is a legitimate business reason for doing so. Even if it’s a just a quick email stating you are waiting on something, but will get back to them shortly. Otherwise unresponsiveness amounts to gamesmanship.
Unfortunately when it comes from the top down, this unprofessional behavior sets the tone for the entire office. The boss’s bad habits, unprofessionalism, and personal lapses give others around her permission to behave in the same lax way. Have you ever heard of a “toxic environment”? That is exactly what this is!
So when my client came to me with her story and asked what she should do, what was my (gut) response?
Two words: GET OUT!
Yes, even in today’s tough economy. First, if that particular boss isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, the situation is not likely to get any better. My client would have become increasingly unhappy and frustrated. Second, if my client stayed there long enough, she would lose herself in this kind of environment.
I asked her to look around at the people who had worked for this person for any length of time. What kind of people were they? Sparkling and vibrant or dull and low energy?
Her answer was all-telling and confirmed my suspicions. More on that in the next blog post.
So now I ask you:
What do you do when a passive aggressive person is your boss or otherwise in a position of power?
Have you ever been in this situation (or know someone who was)?
If so, what did you do?
What was the outcome (good or bad)?
I empathize with your client. I’ve been in that same situation. The most horrendous experience I had was when I was working as a part-time barista during my college days. The manager at that time was panicking because there were a lot of people in the coffee shop that time. He called up the other manager who was on his scheduled rest day to come in for work. Thing is, he couldn’t since he was more than 150 miles away with his wife. He started lashing out over the phone. After that, he hurled two tubs that had some cakes in them across the room, and hit one of the other staff (not to mention all the wastage). The next day, I decided to file my resignation. I cannot work with someone so unprofessional.
It’s true that the only time way to deal with it is to get out, and then file a complaint. You just won’t grow in that kind of working environment. If at all, you’ll just become as nasty (or even worst) than the boss from hell.
If unhappy, go somewhere which makes you happy. Or, leave the job and decide immediately what line of work will make your heart sing, and do that. If you need to keep cash flow coming in while you search for a job, set your ego aside and do ANYTHING to put food on your table. Work a job for a bit while you seek out your dream job, and start it or at least take the steps to make it a reality.
Amazing, the excuses people make to block their own happiness. Wise words here Karen!
RB
Been there done that. It goes the other way too when you have a sullen unresponsive uncommunicative staff member or one who is just plain destructive.
Getting out is the answer, unless it is your own business and then you need to get yourself support. People can change but only with enough motivation and sparkenation.
Looking forward to next post.
People think that kind of behavior is funny when they watch the cake boss. I love his cakes, but he is not a boss I would be able to work for. People think it’s funny when they watch shows like “The Office”. I can’t even stand to watch that. Why do people think this is hilarious until they are the one with the unprofessional boss or team leader? We need to have some more good role models. Maybe those unprofessional ones would learn something.
Thanks for the great post Karen. I’ve been in similar situations, with almost psychotic bosses, who felt that they had to control every moment of your day. One of them went on leave to take a job elsewhere temporarily and I had a different boss for a few months who realized that I knew what I was doing and let me do it and appreciated everything I did.
When I finally left that job, the original boss had been back for about a year of ‘terror’, but she sent me a letter (after I’d been gone a few months) thanking me for the excellent job I had done when she finally realized that my replacement didn’t perform the job at the same level that I had.
To my knowledge, though, she never changed her ways. But I was so grateful to be out of the situation.
Jane Porterfield
Thank you Roy and Jane! I really appreciate your comments and your courage sharing your stories!
Hello Karen,
I was thing the same thing when I read the title of your blog post…GET OUT!!!…Great post!
J
Thank you J!
Have you seen or read ‘The Devil Wears Prada’? It portrays the absolute most toxic awful boss there could be.
My worst boss story is the one who looked me directly in the eye and LIED to me about how my salary compared to my (male) predecessor’s. He did it with such confidence and sincerity. I knew from that moment that my days working for him for numbered. He also lied about stealing a pen from my desk (the pen was a gift from a business partner). That time his lie was much more transparent — caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
It’s impossible to work for someone you don’t respect or who does not respect you.
Karen,
I am rereading some of your older post to get a perspective on my current situation. This one totally resonates. It’s hard to not feel like I’m giving up too soon. But when it’s toxic, that’s what has to be done. Wish I’d reread it a couple of months ago!